IF I EVER FALL FOR YOU

If I ever fall for you 

I promise to keep my distance,

I shall still stare at you though,

From across my cubicle.

My eyes will still wander off the boring Excel sheets

And find its way back to you.

Only this time I shall be careful not to make it obvious.

If I ever fall for you

Maybe I shall stop sharing my lunches with you,

And stop making your favourite aloo ke parathe first thing in the morning,

At least it will spare me the hassle.

And in the afternoons I shall wait a little longer than usual for you to finish first and walk out of the cafeteria.

If I ever fall for you 

I shall limit my interactions,

Not share every little detail of my day,

And not try that hard to crack you up with my silly jokes,

Resist my urge to text you mid work and flood your phone with funny videos

Just to see that perfectly curved contagious smile of yours.

If I ever fall for you 

I shall abandon our secret ritual of five minutes cigarette break,

Sneaking into your favourite corner at the rooftop, overlooking the bustling city roads, watching the last rays fade and the tall buildings lighting up at dusk.

I shall lie to you instead, that I've stopped smoking.

If I ever fall for you

I shall stop walking alongside you across the street to that tiny tea stall.

And give you company in those late winter evenings

As you take sips of your favorite masala chai with pakodas and green chutney that you love so much

If I ever fall for you

I shall stop lending you my favorite novels

And stop stressing enough to make you watch my favorite movie and listen to the songs I send you

That will give me yet another reason not to stop by at your desk 

Just to shake our heads and laugh at how that silly Kabir goofed up again 

Because this time when you playfully punch me on my shoulder as you giggle, your slightest touch will melt me down.

If I ever fall for you

I shall skip those cultural events on purpose

I shall not have the courage to go speak to you this time.

When you look as unreal as the last time in that crimson saree of yours and silver jhumkas dangling in the air. 

And as you gently tucked those long strands of wavy hair behind your ears

I admired you from afar.

If I ever fall for you 

I shall leave the premises a little early

To avoid running into you in the lobby 

And later walking you to the parking lot 

And ending up offering you yet another ride home

Just like the last one, where potholes had conspired to make your grip on my shoulder a little tighter 

That it sent down waves of jitters, made me lose my balance and crash almost.

If you ever find me acting strange,

Growing distant and suddenly withdrawn

Maybe I've already fallen 

Deeply, madly and irrevocably 

In love with you.